bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
