Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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