the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
