***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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