You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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