mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
