My brain says no but my pants say off.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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