I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
