Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
