Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
