peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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