I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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