I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
