I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
