I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
