i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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