I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
