I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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