He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
