I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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