For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
