Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
