I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
