ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's never too late to be topless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
