I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
