remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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