I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
