wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
