i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
