Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
