just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
that may or may not have been my penis.
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