im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
