Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
