How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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