so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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