Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
