I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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