i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
