Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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