I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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