the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
