I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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