I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
people are starting to question the shark bite story
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
