found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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