And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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