How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
