God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
