the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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