How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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