dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
