dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
